Fear

I hate to start this blog out on a down note. Normally I'm a very optimistic person. But something happened last night that scared me. Not one of those boo-oh-ha-ha-you-got-me scared. But it's the kind of fear that you can't shake off.

I was sleeping on the floor of my son's room last night. (I know. But he likes knowing that I'm there.) I thought I heard my daughter call me. So I got up to go to her, and boom, my body didn't want to cooperate and I fell against the wall. I was still groggy so I thought that maybe my leg had fallen asleep. Anyway, my daughter was up and she told me she was cold, so I tucked her under the covers (this was her first night in her new big girl bed). Then I went back to my bed with the husband.

Later, I heard my son crying so I went back to his room to sleep on the floor. That's when it hit me. What if I had a brain tumor or something and I only have a few years/months to live? The fear and sadness of not being able to see my kids grow up struck me and hasn't left me since.

It was a weird fall last night. Because I know my leg wasn't asleep. It was more like my brain. I've gotten up so many times in the middle of the night to go to my son's room, but not once has my body not worked like that. It scared me. And still does.