Dance Like a Whore to Lose Weight

I just saw the best commercial! It was for instructional DVDs on how to lose weight...by dancing like a whore! Some titles of the DVDs are "Just Teasing," "Chair Dancing" and "Beginner Pole Dancing."

I am so going to buy "Booty Beat." Seriously.

Just call my name...I'll be there

Michael Jackson passed away yesterday. I cried driving home from work as all the radio stations played his songs. When I got in the door, I told my mom that Michael Jackson died. Kaia asked me who Michael Jackson was. I told her that he was a great musician. How else can you explain to the younger generation who this legend is?

Today, I was watching The Jackson 5 sing "I'll Be There" on youtube. My daughter ran over and excitedly exclaimed, "I know that song!" It's one of the songs on her Wii Music games. After watching The Jackson 5 sing it, I found a clip of the grown Jacksons singing it on their Victory tour, and told her that that man singing is that boy grown up. (I also had to show her Jermaine because she was asking about him, too). I then showed her the "Beat It" video and she smiled and remembered it from Guitar Hero.

My five year old already knew The King of Pop's music.

It's One A.M.

Well, more like 1:12 according to the computer clock. And I can't sleep.

My five year old daughter told me that she doesn't need a story before bed. Nor does she need me to cuddle with her while she falls asleep. She's five now, she said. I am devastated.

This is a girl to whom I've read a story to every single night since she was a baby. This is a girl who has always slept in my room up until a couple of weeks ago, whether it be in her crib, or my bed, or her bed in my room. This is my baby whom I've held while she fell asleep. This is a girl who asked me just the other week to cuddle with her for a few minutes before bed.

And now she fell asleep all by herself. In her own bed. In her own room across the hall. I waited up for her, with my light and tv on, should she get scared and change her mind and tell me she needs a story and me to lay with her in order to fall asleep. But she never came. Instead, I stood in front of her door about 10 minutes ago, listening to her snore.

I am heartbroken.

Swamped

I have a ton of work to do. A TON! And it's not like it's hard work. Nor is it all work that was just heaped on me in one moment. It's stuff I let pile up. And up. And up. Every day I'd tell myself, "I'll get it done tomorrow." But then tomorrow would come, and I'd repeat the same thing, "I'll get it done tomorrow." And the pile just keeps growing.

The thing is, though, that it is very hard right now for me to be motivated. There are serious rumors floating around that the company might go kaput. And since I work in Accounting and am privy to some information, a lot of that information seems to support that rumor. And I know it's good to have a good work ethic regardless. But I can't seem to make myself work. Instead, I stuff a Dove chocolate in my mouth. Or see what new furniture has been posted on Craigslist.

I went to lunch today with the husband and told him about my problem. I have work. It's not that hard, but I can't force myself to do it. I asked him if there was a word for that. His reply? "Lazy."

I tell ya, that man has got me pegged.

Oh-oh, New Hobby Urge Alert

A few years ago when the husband got me the DSLR that I've been wanting for Christmas, I was really into photography. I looked up (and bought) a bunch of lenses, read several books, I even started to take a class (but dropped it because the teacher was just too into herself and I wound up trying to explain to my classmates what ISO, shutter speed and aperture meant and how they were related because the teacher was too busy bragging about all of her jobs. I remember during one class she was explaining a picture she had taken in which she photoshopped a picture of the Virgin Mary onto it. She said the Virgin Mary came to her and told her to put her in the picture. I busted out laughing. Unfortunately I was the only one and the teacher shot me the evil eye.).

Anyway, when we bought our house back in October 2008, we had tile put in the kitchen. However, I had them stop up to a certain point because I wanted to extend the laminate floors in the family room. Basically I wanted a smaller eat-in area in the kitchen and a larger family room. The guy who did our tiles said he'd do the laminate for $500. Unfortunately we were poor after spending all that money on the tile, and doors, and crown molding and I can't even remember what else.

Well, we had been living with a 4'x15' concrete area in between the kitchen and family room for the past 7 months. But no longer! I found the matching laminate at Lowes and just finished putting the transition trim on last night! (All that's left to do is attaching and painting the baseboards and quarter-rounds now.) I was so proud of myself. The husband helped install the laminate, but I did all the rips. (haha, don't I sound so professional? I was reading a tool forum this morning and all the guys were saying "rips" instead of "cuts." Okay, I'm not even sure the two are synonymous. For all I know rips could mean something else entirely.)

But now I've got that itch. We bought a miter saw to cut the boards. It was super scary at first. But now I want more power tools! I want a table saw, a router, some chisels, and I'm sure a hundred other things I haven't researched yet. I was fantasizing this morning about me building a workshop barn that you see at Lowes that my son has been always asking for. Instead of shelling out the 3K it would cost, it would only cost us the cost of the lumber since I'd be able to do everything myself!!! And then I imagined it crooked and collapsing on top of the boy. Okay, baby steps, maybe I'll start with my own sturdy work bench. We actually bought a cheap one, but after putting it together, and putting my saw that didn't fit on it, I realized how tiny it was.

Okay, now how to break the news to the husband that I want a table saw...

I got stung on the eyelid - Now I'm ugly!!!

Argh!!!!! This is what I get for being a good mom!

The kids saw one of their playmates outside. After I put some clothes on them and went outside, their playmate had already gone inside, but the kids wanted to stay out to play anyway. Even though we live in a cul-de-sac, I stayed outside to watch them to make sure they didn't get into trouble.

I sat on the porch step and my daughter started to sit next to me until she said she saw a bee and ran away. I saw a wasp wriggling on the ground, which was odd. It was on it's back and looked like it couldn't get up. Because I'm a wuss I called my mom and asked her to come out and kill it. Well, she stepped on it and that was that.

Anyway, we stayed out for a little bit, but I yelled at the kids that it was time to go in because of my allergies and my eye was itching. Well, I looked in the mirror and the inside of my left eyelid was swollen. An hour later half of my eyelid was swollen. Approximately 3 hours later and the entire lid is swollen. I expect the whole eye to swollen shut by tomorrow morning.

Now I don't even remember seeing the wasp flying around, let alone land on my eyelid and sting me, but what else could it be?

I look like a monster! And I've missed so much time at work the past few weeks that I have to go to work tomorrow. Argh! This sucks majorly!

Jury Duty and Two Haunted Kiddie Chairs

I got called in for jury duty yesterday. I seriously thought about just not going. I means what the worst that would happen? I'd get arrested once I get stopped for something by the cops? But the husband, who avoids unpleasurable things like the plague, suggested that I just suck it up and go. So I went.

Downtown Martinez is the cutest little place. It surprises me every time I go there. It only spans a few blocks, but it just looks so neat. I got there early, about 12:30 and didn't have to be there til 1 so I killed time in this cool little antique-y/flea market type shop. I remember buying my favorite necklace there several years ago. Anyway, I saw a pair of cute little kid chairs and planned on going back after jury duty.

Jury duty was pretty uneventful. I found a chair away from people and just as I was getting comfortable, some sweaty, b.o.'ed infused guy sat behind me. I sat a few minutes wondering what the proper etiquette time was before I could safely move without it seeming rude. But too many whiffs made me not care and I moved to a desk area off to the side. They showed us some video of people super happy to share their *wonderful* jury experience, but it was just so annoying so I put on my earphones and watched Family Guy on my iPod.

At about 2 o'clock I thought I would lose my mind from the waiting and the boredom. At about 2:30, while I was watching a second episode of Family Guy, I faintly heard a man talking. I turned around and it was the judge talking to us. He thanked us for coming and apologized fto those looking forward to serving and telling the rest of us that it was our lucky day and we should go buy a lottery ticket. One of the attorneys had gotten sick and had to be rushed by ambulence to the hospital. So we were all dismissed. I swear I was the only person grinning from ear to ear after this news. I don't know how people did not skip down the halls like I did after being set free.

I went back to the antique shop, which by the way is run by a pair of these incredibly cute old ladies, and bought my chairs. My kids liked them okay and played with them for about 2 minutes when I brought them home. Later at night, I looked at the empty chairs sitting there side by side and it kind of creeped me out, like perhaps they used to belong to some kids a way long time ago, but now they're ghosts. I don't know why my mind works this way.

Oh, yeah, and I did buy 5 quick-pick lottery tickets on my way home.

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

I was going to go to the gym today during lunch after a long hiatus, but Bossman called me right before I was about to leave. Apparently he missed the only flight from Arizona to the Bay Area, and thus, asked me to FedEx him all the documents that were awaiting him. No problem. I got the package together, weighed it on the bathroom scale (because it was too heavy for our little postage scale), cringed at my weight, and was out the door to drop it off at a place that's about a 5 minute drive away. Well, that place is now a wheelchair shop. So a quick call back to work and the receptionist told me the nearest Kinkos was over by my house. (I cannot even begin to tell you how handy it is to be able to call someone who has access to internet when you need to find a place!)

So after I dropped off the package I just went home for lunch. My neighbor, Bill, was outside working on his boat. Bill is a retired Air Force guy (is there a proper name for this? Air Forcer?) who is now his yacht club's , crap, I can't remember the name, Head Mariner? Grand Poobah? something like that. Anyway, when he told me I was pretty impressed. So I went over to go chat for a minute since he's a pretty friendly guy. I asked him about his boat and he told me that they actually have 3. The one in his driveway he was working on (I think he called it a runner boat), another runner (?) boat, and a 38 foot boat. The guy is pretty amazing. And then he told me that they also have 3 kayaks and a canoe!

When I went inside my house I exclaimed to the husband, "Those old people kayak!!!" I was so impressed. That must take some amazing upper body strength. Hell, I can't even swim.

The husband had just baked a pizza and we saw down to eat it at the dining table when he said, "The window behind you was open when you said, 'Those old people kayak!' And you were pretty loud, too." Any appetite I had immediately left.

Disneyland Review - I lost my keys!!!

We just got back from Southern California yesterday. We went to Disneyland, California Adventure and saw the husband's family. Oh, and a spur of the moment visit to the Getty musuem.

We stayed at the Fairfield Inn. I felt claustrophobic the moment I stepped in our room, but I got used to it eventually. It boosted a "heated" pool. I was expecting it to be bath water temperature and thought they might have been lying about the heated part when the husband told me that this temperature was heated. Oh. At least the kids enjoyed it while I huddled by myself near the edge shivering to death.

I hated Disneyland. Nor was it my son's favorite place. Disneyland is so not the place for an autistic child who cannot bear dark rides and loud music/talking. However, when I asked him what his favorite part was, he said digging. We sat momentarily after a ride, and he played in the dirt. Oh, and that ride? It was those cars that you drive that is on rails. I let my son sit in the driver's seat so he could steer and I'd just control the pedal. Well, the second I stepped on the pedal, it was too loud for him so covered his ears and I had to steer from the passenger's seat. My arm, butt and leg was hurting after that one. Not fun.

On the Dumbo ride. He covered his face with his pink blanket throughout most of the rides. However, this ride frightened me, too, when we went in the air and I started getting thrown to the side.

I also waited in this one stupid line for 2 hours with my daughter to meet and talk with princesses. I thought we'd get to see a whole bunch of them. We saw 3! And not even the good ones like Sleeping Beauty or Cinderalla. We saw Jasmine, Pocahontas and Ariel. And I was so peeved by the time we got inside that I didn't think to change the settings on my camera and wound up with a bunch of stupid blurry pictures.

I was bitching to the husband about the California Adventure tickets because I didn't want to go there. But I actually liked it better than Disneyland. There were more rides to my son's liking, and the lines were much shorter. I complained a lot to my husband during the whole trip there. That man must have some pretty rock solid discipline to not have beat me while we were down there.

Wednesday morning we went to Newport Beach with his mom. And I think that's the last time I saw my keys. The husband threw a silent tantrum because I didn't pack his shorts in with the kids' stuff. So he sulked on the towel for the most part instead of just walking the 3 minutes back to the car to retrieve his shorts.

My kids had the greatest time splashing in the water...until it knocked both of them over and I had to run in and pull both off them up because Mr.-I-have-no-shorts-so-I'm-not-going-near-the-water wasn't down there with us. My daughter still continued to play in the water. But my son would yell, "NO!" every time I tried to bring him back closer. I'm hoping my keys didn't fall out when I went in the water. That would suck.

Right before being eaten by the ocean:

I thought we were headed back home, but as I fell asleep in the car, the husband nudged me awake and asked if I wanted to go to the Getty museum. Hell yeah! I love art! However, it's so not a place to go when you're accompanied by little ones with very little art appreciation.

I packed a change of clothes for the kids when we went to Disneyland. I packed a change of clothes for the kids when we went to California Adventure. I packed a change of clothes for the kids when we went to the beach. I didn't even touch them at those places. So I figured I wouldn't need a change of clothes at the museum. Guess where my son threw up? Sigh. It took about 45 minutes to hop back on the tram, trek back to the car, change him, back on the tram, figure out the map and find the rest of the family.

Most of my time at the museum was spent holding my son's sweaty little hand and fretting over him getting away and knocking over some 200 year old marble bust. The Getty Museum had gorgeous views and I would really like to go back there...sans kids.

Anyway, we're back and I have no idea where my keys are.

Update
Apparently, the troll must have taken my keys. I checked the red backpack when we got home. They weren't in there. I checked the red backpack twice in the morning before I left for work. All I saw was the padlock the husband used at the gym. No keys. I asked the husband to check everything again for me while I was at work. Guess where he found the keys? In the red backpack right next to the padlock.

The Troll

The husband and I can be really absent-minded. We forget where we put things. Or sometimes we don't look hard enough. For example, the husband will look through a pile of papers on the counter for a particular bill and not find it. A few minutes later, one of us will walk by the pile and see the bill right on top. We would joke with each other that "the troll" must have taken it and then put it back when we weren't looking. We like to believe this as opposed to the likelihood of us succumbing to early Alzheimer's.

But now I think "the troll" is actually real.

I bought a pair of sunglasses a couple of months ago and put it up in one of the kitchen cabinets for safe-keeping until I could see my eye doctor. Well, I had an appointment this Thursday, so Saturday and Sunday I looked through the cabinets and they were nowhere to be found. I tore those cabinets up looking for those sunglasses. I mean I must have searched each cabinet 10 times. Thoroughly. I couldn't find them, so I canceled my eye doctor appointment yesterday. Today, when my mom, the kids and I got back from Target, there the sunglasses were, right on the kitchen counter, underneath the cabinets that I searched. After I squealed in delight and asked my mom where she found them, she said she didn't put them there. I called the husband and he said he didn't either. Okay...

Today I went in search of my "fat" bathing suit since we're going away this weekend. I was on the phone with the husband who was at work and as I searched my dresser, I complained that all I was able to find were my half a dozen pairs of my "skinny" bathing suits. He joked that maybe the troll would bring back my fat bathing suit like he did my sunglasses. (I had a stinking suspicion that the husband really found my sunglasses and was trying to trick me about them.) I joked back, "Yeah, he'll probably leave it right here on the bed to make it obvious, too." After searching my dresser, I told the husband that maybe it was in my closet, although that would be odd because I've never hung up my bathing suits. Well, no such luck. I even dug through the box in my closet of things that I didn't even want anymore. The husband told me he had to go because he was at Taco Bell and it was his turn to order. So I hung up and walked back into the bedroom.

There was my bathing suit right on the bed.

Now it is entirely feasible that I put it there and not have noticed. I did take a pile of clothes out and set them on the bed. And then put them back. The bathing suit could have been on the bottom, and I missed it.

But it still freaked me out.

I called the husband back immediately, and he suggested that perhaps I have a multiple personality disorder and don't remember things that my "other" personality does.

"You are a beautiful young lady!"

Okay, I can't really remember if he actually said "young," but that's what a guy said to me today.

I stopped by the post office on the way home from work to check our mail. Normally I take my glasses off when I'm not driving because it feels like I'm walking around in a fish bowl and it makes me dizzy, but I was too lazy today. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the glass door on my way in and thought I made a rather pretty nerd even with my short bangs held to the side with a clip.

On my way out, I passed someone who exclaimed how pretty I was. I looked up and it was some guy with an afro and sunglasses, who then proceeded to ask if I was married, how lucky my husband is and if I had a sister.

Out in the parking lot I made sure to watch him drive away first so he wouldn't follow me home.

Update
So I told the husband the above story. His replies:
* It must have been the bangs.
* Are you sure he was talking to you?

For some reason, I'm starting to get the impression that he really doesn't like my bangs.

Bangs Revisited

* Photo disclaimer - I honestly don't think my face is really this broad. I took the pic with a new cell phone and think it might be the wide angle. Or it could be the 20 pounds I've put on.

I was planning on growing my bangs out. I've been having serious allergy issues for about the past month and feeling anything on my face makes me want to scratch my skin off with a grater. But I figured since I have bangs now I might as well see how they look shorter. So I cut them last night. And I actually like them. I even drug out my flat iron and made the rest of my hair all smooth. I thought I looked pretty hot! And then I looked at myself in the full-length mirror. You can have the greatest haircut, but that matters not one iota when you're fat. Sigh.

Anyway, I cut them last night and went to bed while the husband was up playing video games so he didn't see me until he answered the door when I got home from work today.

Husband: Did you cut your hair?
Me: Yes.
Husband: Yourself?
Me: Yes.
Husband: (Eyebrow raised) It looks like it.
Me: (Angry pout) Hmpf.

Stupid, stupid Jonas Brothers

We use AOL Instant Messanger (AIM) at my work a lot to communicate. My officemate sent me an AIM this morning and I replied back to confirm her message. Then she asked me in a perplexed voice to send her a test AIM. I obliged and then she burst out laughing asking me why I had the Jonas Brothers on my AIM.

Every morning when I turn my computer on AIM automatically opens as well as the AOL homepage. Somehow I managed to accidentally click on a Jonas Brothers application on the homepage that changed my AIM wallpaper! So I hurried up and changed it to a simple daisy, sent my coworker a test AIM and that was that.

Later on in the day, the Bossman called me and spoke to me about a few payments in the system. He wanted to confirm some numbers, so in a rare move, he AIMed me the numbers. I changed them in my system and all was groovy...or so I thought.

My officemate then sent me an AIM asking about something trivial. Then she started laughing saying that the Jonas Brothers were still there. Oh, no! Oh, good heavens no! When I sent an AIM, you could see the daisy, but when someone AIMs me, like Bossman did, the stupid Jonas Brothers pop up! And they pop up huge, too, just like in the above picture!

We tested my AIM with the receptionist, too, and she asked me why I had the Jonas Brothers up.

I am utterly and completely mortified. How am I ever to look my boss in the face again when he probably thinks I'm an old grown woman trying to be a teeny-bobber?

Argh! What does heartburn feel like?

Something hurts and I have no idea what it is! Argh! I'm sitting here in pain. I googled heartburn just in case that's it, but it mostly says the pain is right behind the breastbone. But mine is right below it. Like centered right below my boobs but above my stomach. Ow! Ow! Ow! Go away, pain!

I made some tea hoping that would help it (I don't know why I would think tea would help), but it didn't. Ow! Oh, please don't let me die. Oh, God, how mortified would I be (well, I guess I wouldn't know or care) if I died and they found me with the preggo pants trick? A trick to expand your pants when your pregnant is to take a rubberband, attach one end to the button at your waistband, thread the rubber band through the hole meant for the button, and then loop it back on the same band. I did that to my pants today. Only I'm not pregnant. I'm just too fat from all the sushi I had for lunch and my pants were too tight.

Oh, pain, go away. I don't want to die like this.

OH MY GOOD LORD - I HAVE DISCOVERED JAMBA JUICE OATMEAL!!!

Okay, I now sit here typing this with a full and warm stomach.

We've been having a heat wave for the past few days with temperature highs in the 90's. (And of course our AC is broken at home and no one has the stupid fuse we need to fix it! But I digress.)

On the drive to work this morning, I was hungry and thought a nice cold orange smoothie from Jamba Juice sounded delicious. I would just be a few minutes late. So I went and the place was empty except for one other customer. The guy who helped me looked so young. I wanted to say, "Shouldn't you be in school?" But I just thought it as I stared at the poor kid's budding mustache.

Anyway, I ordered the large Orange Dream Machine figuring that a large should be more than enough to last me through morning. Then the kid asked if I wanted oatmeal. I told him, "No, thank you," and then he told me how they just made a fresh batch and it was warm and they had apple cinnamon, blueberry, blackberry and banana. How could I resist? So I ordered the blackberry. That kid oughta be in sales!

So my fat ass strolled into work a few minutes late with a large smoothie (I forgot to change it to a small after the oatmeal order) and some oatmeal. Somehow in between the 5 minute drive from Jamba Juice to my work I lost the oatmeal spoon. Thank goodness we have spoons here!

The oatmeal looked gross when I first took off the lid. It was all purplish black goo. But of course that was just the blackberry topping. Because once I dug in - sheer heaven. It was all warm. The oatmeal was all creamy and had some crunchy things in it. The blackberry topping was all sweet. Mmmm.

Dang, now that I think about it, I just spent over $8 on breakfast!


It kind of reminds me of the scene from The Golden Child when Eddie Murphy pokes the pot of oatmeal on the stove and blood seeps through. Unfortunately for me, I have no special powers and no one is trying to kill me by feeding me tainted oatmeal.

Rocky Balboa

I finally watched Rocky Balboa last night. And I liked it! There were even some scenes that made me cry like a baby. Of course I felt the usual, "What! Oh, no," feeling upon hearing that he was making Rocky 5...and then 6...and the latest, Rambo 3. But Rocky 6 is pretty decent in my book.

I am a huge Rocky fan. One and Four are my favorites. But I really like Six, too, after watching it last night. When I was a kid I had the biggest crush on Sylvester Stallone after watching Rambo. I remember I used to sneak and cut pictures of him out of my mom's Enquirer and put them in a photo album. It was strange watching him last night though. His skin and eyebrows looked alll weird.

I remember watching one of the Rocky movies with a guy friend a long, long time ago. I can't even remember which guy friend, but I remember him telling me how unreal the movie was. Boxers don't box like that. Rocky would never win, because boxing is based on scoring. And then he proceeded to tell me how it's scored and took away the magic of Rocky from me forever. Bastard.

Low-carb sucks serious ass

I am sitting here at work, sick to my stomach with a horrible headache, feeling like I have a vat of oil sitting in my stomach.

I did low-carb a couple of years ago and lost about 30 pounds. After I went off the diet I maintained my weight pretty well by continuing going to gym nearly every day. When that stopped, the pounds came back.

Well, it's time to lose weight again. We're going to be going down to Southern California in a few weeks to Disneyland and to see the husband's family. My sole reason for wanting to lose weight - my mother-in-law's bluntness. I know if she sees me how I am now, she will call me fat. I don't know why it motivates me so much, but it does.

So I went back on low-carb on Monday. It's now Thursday, only Day 4 of the diet, and I feel sick! Sure I've already lost 2 pounds, but I feel like crap. I'm tired. My head is pounding. Earlier I put my head down on my desk and started to nap. I only woke up when I felt the drool starting to come out the side of my mouth.

I'm going to go to Trader Joe's after work to see if they have low-carb bread to soak up this grease pit in my stomach. Blech. Just the thought of salad dressing and eggs and bacon and salami and all the stuff I'm allowed to eat makes me want to vomit. Why can't I just be anorexic?

It's About Heroin?!?!!!

Every once in a while I like to take a break from the R&B music I usually listen to. Driving home from work today I had the station on 105.3. I don't even know what they call this music genre anymore (New Wave? Do they still call it that?), but they were playing an old song that used to be one of my favorites. It was by New Order, but I couldn't for the life of me remember the title of the song. True Memory? True Life?

A few minutes ago I just googled it, and right before I even typed in some of the lyrics, I remembered! True Faith!

Well, out of curiosity I checked Wikipedia to read about it. The song is about heroin! I was walking around singing this song when I was 13! Heroin! I don't know if I had even heard about heroin when I was 13.

Sometimes You Just Gotta Throw In The Towel

I think I neglected to add in my last post that before I hit the gym, I scarfed down a double-bacon cheeseburger, which is probably what gave me fuel to run.

This morning I just had a couple of granola bars. And I was already tired when I woke up to begin with. So when I went to the gym during lunch I had zero energy. Zero. Zip. Nil. Nada. None. And to top it all off, my iPod died. I guess that's what I get for letting my 3 year old son listen to the Chipmunks on it all weekend.

But I tried. I walked, half-jogged, tried walking fast and I just couldn't do it! I can't run without music. And, shoot, I got a cramp in my hip just from walking slow! So after 10 minutes on the treadmill, I gave up, headed back to my locker, changed, sucked up the didn't-you-just-get-here look from the guy at the counter, and left. Obviously my body was not craving exercising. What it did crave was a sandwich, so off to Togo's I went and nabbed a chicken salad sandwich.

26:30, Bitches!

Can you see me punching and swaying and throwing fast uppercuts in celebration of my new 2 mile running time?

Okay, yes, I know, it's still slow, about a 13:15 mile. But I am overjoyed at my slow, but steady progress. Last week it took me a little over 30 minutes to do two miles. So this is an almost 4 minute improvement for me! Plus I didn't even feel like I was dying towards the end. I felt full of adrenaline.

I think what helped was that I chose a treadmill that was in view of the stepper machines. There was someone on one of the steppers and this person had a full view of my side. Well, not wanting to look like a fat slow wuss, I ran with my gut sucked in, my head held up high and my arms swinging evenly at my side...as opposed to my normal hunched over, arms swinging madly, hyperventilating stance.

Woo-hoo! Now I just need to keep this up.

Sinus Infection?

I've been having really bad allergies for the past week. On Friday I blew my nose and TMI warning, the mucus was a little green. The term, sinus infection, immediately sprung into my mind.

A couple of years ago (I thought it was just last year until the doctor corrected me) I had a sinus infection. I didn't know it at the time until I went to the doctor. My lymph nodes were swollen and had me looking all ugly so I went in. The doctor berated me for not taking my allergy medicine daily and told me how sinus infections can turn deadly if not treated right away. Hence, my urgent need to see him this time around. I like living.

Anyway, I braced myself in prepartion for him yelling at me again for not taking my allergy medicine. But he didn't. He just asked questions about my symptoms. Okay, granted I only blew my nose that one time on Friday when it was slightly green. Well, there was one other time over the weekend when it actually looked bloody. But I didn't tell him that. And then he asked the color of my loogies (Okay, that's gross, I know. I couldn't even remember what the doctor called it, but I know he didn't say loogie. I don't even know how to spell loogie.). And I don't know why I lied, but I said mostly clear, sometimes green, even though I haven't even coughed up any loogies.

So he prescribed some medicine without even doing a swab or looking inside my mouth or anything, all going by what I told him. I was hoping for amoxicillan because that stuff tastes great. Oh, that and the fact that I already took about two tablespoons of my son's old amoxicillan the night before in hopes of curing myself faster. But he prescribed something else.

I don't know why I always feel the need to lie to my doctor or withold information. I think it's because I don't want him to yell at me or think I'm dumb. As the husband would probably tell me (and has), "Well, don't do dumb things then."

Comparing Birthday Parties

Not including our own party, Kaia and I have attended three birthday parties this year. It's funny to note the differences between each one as each party was thrown by a family of a different nationality. And yeah, be forewarned that I'm probably generalizing, but whatever.

The first party we went to was in January. It was thrown by a Mexican family. They had two huge jumpers. I think the fence was torn down purposely in their backyard between their neighbors probably because they were close friends with them or related. So it was like one big combined backyard. Anyway, there were like a million kids there, most I assume from the neighborhood...all unsupervised. I had to go in one of the jumpers once and yell at some kids. I told the husband he would have been embarrassed if he were there because I was livid and yelling so loudly. They had really yummy home cooked Mexican food. I felt a tad uncomfortable at this party since I didn't know anyone there. However, by 7pm when they still hadn't opened presents yet, I told Kaia it was time to go home. I figured this party went well into the late night.

The second party was in February, thrown by a Filipino family. Being Filipino myself, I felt most comfortable at this party even though I only knew the mom, although I did feel like an idiot since I can't actually speak Tagalog. I think most of the kids at this party were relatives. They were well-behaved and the adults would come out periodically yelling at the kids if they did something wrong. There was a jumper and activities (pinata, little kid pinata, etc.). They had a roast pig and a bunch of my favorite Filipino desserts so most of my time was spent going back and forth between the backyard and the food table. I was a happy camper.

And yesterday, we attended a party thrown by white folks. It was straight out of what you would expect to see on tv or the movies. Beautiful house. Super friendly parents. A garden-themed party for Christ's sakes! I felt so, so, so uncomfortable around the other white parents listening to them talk about little leagues and high school sports. I was so amazed to see a sea of white faces and blue eyes and blonde and brown hair surround my black-haired, brown almond-eyed child. It was like I stepped into a parenting magazine circa 1950.

But this was the cutest party ever! They had a table filled with dirt and worms so you can go examine them and pet them. Their was an aquarium filled with ladybugs. They had the kids decorate their own flower pot with glue and pretty paper/fabric, and then they gave each child a flower and had them fill up the pots with soil and take it over to the "watering station" to water them. How fuckin' cute is that! The "cake" was a huge flower pot filled with pudding and whipped cream and crushed oreos to mimic dirt and gummi worms. And they had small individual pots for each child. Kaia only ate the gummi worms and snuck a few more from the table. I, however, scarfed down everything in sight. Sandwich wraps, pb sandwiches cut into butterfly and flower shapes. Oh, well, correction - I didn't touch the broccoli or carrots they had on the table. The loot bag had a few plastic garden tools and a few packets of seeds. So, so cute.

And if I didn't want to be her, I would so hate the mom. She was tall and pretty, yet totally down to earth in her blue jeans, tie-dye shirt and tennies (and she still looked amazing!). And so friendly and welcoming...to everyone. She possesses the social graces and charm that I completely lack. But she was genuine, too! Whereas I showed up looking like a sumo-wrestler with my bangs in a ponytail away from my face because they make me want to kill myself because of my allergies. And I was going to throw on this cute fitted tee shirt, but once I had it on I saw all my rolls. Not cute. Sigh. Maybe she can be my role model.

Ah, My Good Ol' Friend, The Gym

I went to the gym today. I checked my other blog, and I hadn't been to the gym in over two months now! The gym manager greeted me and said she hadn't seen me in a while. Sigh. I used to go almost every day. She then said, "Welcome home."

The first thing I did was weigh myself. OMG! I had gained 2 pounds since I last went. And those 2 pounds put me over yet another 10 pound milestone. I was so depressed. So very depressed. Maybe that's why I sucked majorly on the treadmill.

My plan was to walk one "lap" on the treadmill, run one "lap." There's a digital light thingie on the treadmill display that looks like a lap. Each lap is a quarter mile. So I walked the first quarter of the lap and then ran the remaining 3 quarters of the lap to get warmed up. I wouldn't even call it running. Shoot, I don't even think it can be classified as jogging I was going so slow (4.5). And I didn't even think I would make that one lap! All I remember is that walk one lap, run one lap went out the window.

I wound up doing 2 miles in 30 minutes. I think I half walked, half "ran" the first mile and then just walked the second mile because I was so tired. Pathetic. Utterly pathetic. I used to run 3 miles non-stop daily once upon a time. Now I can't even run a quarter of a mile at a very slow pace non-stop.

Work

I like my job. I really do. It's easy. It's close to home. It pays well (especially now, hehe!). And for the most part, it's relatively stress-free.

Except for times when the boss is stressed out.

Like he was about an hour ago.

At me.

I had to take a late lunch today to pick up my daughter from pre-school. I strolled back in the office an hour later all happy with my orange smoothie and chorizo burrito from Jack in the Box. The second I walked in, the receptionist frantically said to me, "Bossman wants to talk to you! He's on the phone with Officemate right now!" Shit. So I walked quickly to my office. Officemate said, "Call Bossman right now!" Shit! Shit!

He just needed some information about a check and seemed alright when we hung up. But my heart is still beating fast from the agitation. There's just something about this man that strikes the fear of Jesus in me. Since I spoke to him, I can't get back on track with my work flow. My stomach feels all icky from the chorizo burrito, which I hurriedly scarfed down since Bossman said he was going to call me back. And I have to go pee, but I'm scared he'll call back the second I leave my desk.

Come on 5 o'clock.

I Joined Twitter

And I'm feeling pretty pathetic, lemme tell ya what. Nobody is following me (expected), and I'm only following these 4 people:

* Demi Lovato
* Shaquille O'Neal
* Ashton Kutcher
* Britney Spears

I'm having problems navigating. I'm scared to try to make it look pretty. I'm not sure how to find people. I'm just some old person trying to understand this new technology. Now someone hand me my hearing aid and some milk of magnesia.

This Fuck-Up Got A Raise!!!

And a pretty decent one, too! Okay, so probably everyone in the company got a raise. But the timing of it all just really makes me laugh.

I did, however, by the end of yesterday figure out those reports for the boss, who today seemed, well, somewhat pleased, at having to not spend an extra half hour with me to show me how to do them.

The sheer irony of my worrying this whole week about those reports is that that wasn't the reason why the boss was dissatisfied with my performance. Those reports, or lack thereof, didn't even bother him. He was concerned about another item that I wasn't even the cause of. I was just the trickle-down person and didn't even know there was an issue with this.

Anyway, to sum up: Woo-hoo! I got a raise!

Yellow-Bellied

Well, I had difficulty completing those reports that have been haunting me this week. So I bit the bullet and wrote an email letting Bossman know that not only am I an absent-minded slacker by not doing the reports last year, but that I'm also an idiot moron because I can't figure out how to do them now.

Being the coward that I am, I sent that email right at 5 pm, and then hurried up and shut down my computer and ran out of the office. I dreaded coming in this morning to see how he would respond. But, alas, nada. My torture would be prolonged. Waiting is the hardest part!

Anyway, he eventually did respond to my email, just saying where I could find copies of the forms (I already had them), and that we could go over them on Friday. He ended the email with "Thanks," which made me feel better. He wasn't mad! Hooray!

And then I got another email from him. The subject pretty much read, "Good Job!" I was even more thrilled! He sent it to me and my coworker. He wanted to thank us for handling as much work as we do... and it was all downhill from there. It pretty much said (in disguised words), you guys are fucking up too much so I'm going to hire someone to oversee you. Yeah, nice back-handed compliment there, Bossman.

Ah, well, you can't win 'em all.

Thulsa Doom

Yep, still procrastinating. Fortunately, for all you zero of my readers, you reap the benefits of my current picture, taken with my wonderful crappy cell camera.

At times I really like my bangs. And then sometimes I look in the mirror and think I look a little James Earl Jones-ish a la Conan the Barbarian, especially since I just trimmed them myself last night.

It Is Now 12:10 PM And I Still Haven't Done It

Tell my boss about the non-existant Federal reports and actually complete the reports that is.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I procrastinate like nobody's business. I mean in this case I can understand my not telling the boss yet - I'm chicken shit like that. But to also put off actually doing the reports when I know I need to? If I were my mother right now I would smack myself in the back of the head.

Things I've done this morning to procrastinate:

* Checked personal emails.
* Checked slickdeals.net for any deals.
* Cancelled a credit report membership.
* Logged in to and read several forums.
* Read several celebrity gossip forums.
* Scarfed down half a can of sour cream & onion Pringles.

Ugh...if only I can force myself to complete those reports!!!

My Fucked Up Way Of Making Myself Feel Better

It's called CNN.

Let me elaborate. My boss sent me an email this morning asking me to get together the Federal and State Quarterly and Annual Tax reports for him to review when he comes in to the office on Friday. No problem there, Boss! Super efficient Accounting Consultant at your sevice.

So I'm getting together all my reports:

State Quarterly Reports - Check!
State Annual Reports - Check!

Federal Quarterly Reports - Oh, shit!
Federal Annual Reports - Oh, my fuckin' God - I didn't do any of the Federal reports for 2008!!!!!!!!

Now more than likely, the forms never made it to me to be filled out. However, that's not really an excuse. So, I'm sitting here with my stomach in knots. So I do what I normally do when I'm in deep shit - I turn to the news. There is nothing like real life news to put your own problems into perspective. Today's news: Actress Natasha Richardson had a ski accident and there are reports (none confirmed though) that she is brain dead. Imagine that - You take an innocent ski lesson and take an understandable tumble. You get up and laugh it off. An hour later you're in the hospital near death. How fucked up is that?

So, as shitty as my situation is, it does not compare to Natasha Richardon's nor her poor husband who is racing to be by her side. I shall try to remember this while my boss yells at me for being a fuck-up.

Haha, I'm A Homewrecker

Well, okay not really, but the thought made me laugh.

I work in accounts payable, which is pretty boring most of the time...until this week.

Monday - I spoke to a contractor who asked about the status of his invoice. I told him I would send an email to the site manager to try to get his approval faster. Contractor sent me the following email:

Mary - we're cheering you on - you can do it, you are the WO-man!!
:o)


Tuesday - I received approval. I sent the contractor this email:

Hi Contractor,

Site Manager approved the invoice and I received approval to process your check tomorrow. Once it’s been printed and signed, I’ll send you another email.

Mary


He replied back:

Sweet!! - this one time, since they kept it 5 days past getting it back signed to me, just this one time, can you next day it for me please once signed?
Contractor


Well, there was no way I was going to overnight it so I never responded to his email.

Wednesday - I took this day off to register my daughter for kindergarten and to spend the day with her since it was her 5th birthday.

Thursday - I come back to work to find a bunch of emails from some strange name in my outlook.

03/11/09, 3:58 PM
Hi I am Contractors fiance... I saw in his email what he emaild you and i don't like it.
Can you tell me what is going on between you and him please.

Fiance


03/11/09, 4:14 PM
we are geting married on end of this month.. he cheted on me befor and i don't trust him and he lies a lot as well.
I just want to know before i make a big mestak.

Thanks
Fiance


And then several repeated forwards of the email I sent to the contractor on Tuesday letting him know of the approval.

And then I got this one from the "contractor":

03/11/09, 5:34 PM
Hi I am getting married.

All the above have been copied directly and pasted. I only changed the names.

The fiance also called here and told the receptionist to tell me to stop flirting with her fiance.

There were just so many things wrong with this situation. First, why stay with someone who "cheted" on you and "lies a lot"? And then to not only have the nerve to send his employer (since my company does employ him) these emails, but to actually call and leave an accusatory message with the receptionist?

I was sooooooooooo tempted to play with this woman. So, so tempted. I was actually hoping that she would call me back when I was back in the office.

But anyway, the contractor called me and let me know that his fiance got into his email account and contacted ALL the females in his address book. And it didn't sound like he was planning on breaking things off with her either. I told him, "Good luck with that."

I still sit here rubbing my palms together should she actually call back.

"Nobody Likes My Bangs"

That's what I pitifully cried to the husband last night.

I had been planning since forever to get bangs (see my 101 blog). When the kids watch Alvin and the Chipmunks I always admire Claire's bangs. And then there's been a picture of Angelina Jolie floating around lately where she's sporting bangs filming her new movie. That cemented my decision and I had bangs cut at my hair appointment on Saturday.

Comments I've received so far:

Me: What do you think of my bangs?
Husband: Do you want the truth or the nice truth?

Me: Do you like my hair?
Mom: (Laughs) You got bangs, huh?

Niece: I like you better with your old hair.

Sister: You look like an old person trying to look young.
Nephew: I agree.

You gotta love family for their honesty, no matter how blunt.

My coworkers, though, have given me positve reviews. Although it could just be them being polite. One coworker, who I always envy because she's so young and pretty and skinny and trendy, told me that she really likes them. They're the in thing right now and they look good on me. And she would tell me the truth if they didn't look good. So that made me feel better. And then another coworker came in and saw them and said I looked like a high school girl (which made me think of my sister's comment.).

Planning a Princess Birthday Party

I love spoiling my kids. The husband thinks I'm going to send us into the poor house with all the crap I buy for the kids.

THE INVITATIONS

Kaia turns 5 on March 11th. She loves other kids, so I figured we'd throw a party for her and invite a few other kids. Easy-peasie, right?

I started making her invitations in Photoshop-Elements. I added my favorite picture of her and put in all the party details. They were so cute!


And then I realized that if this invitation fell into the wrong hands (read: random pervert), he would have my baby's picture, name and address. The horror! So I went to Party City the next day and found some invitations. They were only $1 for 8, so I bought 3 packs. Score! Kaia even got to help me by putting on the present sticker thing on them. I tried to hold my tongue and keep my hands to myself as I watched her put some of them on crooked.


Walgreens was having a special. Free 20 prints. So I printed her photo invitations there. I figured I could give those to family and close friends. And that's where the savings stopped.

ENTERTAINMENT

The jumper rental was $179. I have been agonizing over these past few weeks because we've been getting a lot of rain. If I couldn't rent a jumper, I'd have to entertain all these kids myself. Gasp! I checked the weather forecasts every day. Most of them had called for rain on the day of the party. Thankfully, earlier this week it changed to sunny for that day. Now all I have to worry about is all the muddy feet we're going to have. I did buy a cheap game of pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey just in case.



I also got a pull-string pinata.

I know I'm probably wussifying my kids, but I just don't like the idea of little kids weilding a bat and swinging around other kids.

DECORATIONS

I bought a ton of crap from Party City. It's just so convenient. There's one close to my work and I've been going there almost every day during my lunch. I've found a $10 coupon online and have used it 3 different times. I've been too embarrassed to use it again. It's always the same girl there. And when I went today to buy a candle for the cake she said, "Oh, you're back." Thank goodness, I didn't load up on more crap today to try to use the coupon yet again.

I also got this hat from ebay.

It's the cutest thing. It cracks me up seeing my daughter wear it around the house because she will put on one of her princess night gowns and her fancy pink glittery shoes. And then after 10 minutes she'll ask me to put something over the strap because it makes her ears itch.

LOOT BAGS

I saw Disney Princess loot bag kits at Party City. I figured I'd get those for the girls and then Hot Wheels loot bags for the boys. But then I saw the toys inside and they were so lame. There was a "watch" that was actally a crappy game where you had to put two little balls into separate holes. I saw a non-Disney princess loot bag kit that had little play wands and rings and necklaces and got that instead. And then I got the Backyardigans loot bag kit because those came with a magnifying glass and a cool compass ring.

I also saw these adorable little play flutes (the daughter keeps telling me they look more like recorders). And I bought these Disney Princess lip gloss necklaces that were on sale at Target a few weeks ago. Hmm, maybe I do spend too much money.

I've also got a bunch of random stuff that I was going to give away as prizes if we were stuck inside and had to play games - parachute men, maracas, bracelets. I haven't decided what to do with those things yet.

THE CAKE

I took my daughter to a coworker's birthday party last year and she had that cake. Kaia loved it at the time and asked me if we could have a cake like that for her birthday. My coworker told me she bought it at Lucky's, so I went there this week to order it. I gave a kid who was flipping through the cake binder the evil eye so he would go away. He caught on and left. Well, I flipped through the binder and didn't see the cake. I was so disappointed. They had a couple of other princess cakes, but I didn't really like them. I figured Safeway might have better ones so as I turned to make my way there, I saw the cake on display. Joy! And then I saw the price tag. $49.99. Sigh. I stood there staring at it for 5 minutes wondering what to do. Do I buy this expensive awesome looking cake? Or do I just pay half of that and get a mediocre cake? I bought the cake. I have yet to tell the husband how much it costs though.

The food and the guest list is still up in the air. Currently I have about 20 kids who I know will be there. That's a lot. At least for me. Yikes. And then about another ten that are maybe's. The husband just wanted to buy a bunch of $5 Little Caesar pizzas. He tried to sway me by saying that they came with breadsticks. At this point, I just might have to go with him.

Sometimes I Forget My Kids Are Part Mexican

My daughter, Kaia, will be starting Kindergarten (kindgergarten?) this fall, well summer actually since she starts in August. I picked up a registration packet on Wednesday and began filling out the forms. I started to check no without even thinking about it where it asked if the child was Hispanic. And then I remembered that because of her daddy, she's a quarter Mexican. My kids just look so Asian that I always forget they're mixed.

When I was a kid it was so easy filling out forms. For the most part I'd check off Asian, or sometimes Filipino because for some reason, they would sometimes have that as a separate category from Asians. And I always wondered what mixed kids would check off, because most of the time the instructions read, "Check one." One time I asked a friend whose mom is white and dad is black, what she would normally check. She laughed and said she liked to confuse them and sometimes would check off white, other times black.

Anyway, I checked off Hispanic for Kaia. And then underneath was another question. Since it didn't specify for me to choose one, I then proceeded to check off Mexican, Korean and Filipino. Another page asked me to check one, but I just left that blank. I was tired.

An Aaron Story - Aaron and the Rhino

Aaron is my 4 year old son. Last year he was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, which is high-functioning autism. He's been going to a special ed preschool since last September.

He's been obsessed with this wooden toy rhino at his school. It sits on a small round platform and when you push underneath the platform, the rhino moves. The husband said that Aaron's made several attempts to take it home by putting it in his backpack. The husband and Aaron's teachers are pretty good at preventing it though. However, Aaron actually succeeded once during one of the times I picked him up. When we pulled into the driveway of our house he said, "Rhino. Backpack." I opened up his backpack and sure enough there it was.

Anyway, today the husband called and told me that Aaron's teacher told Aaron that if he put the rhino in his backpack he wouldn't be allowed to play with it anymore for the rest of the school year. Aaron proceeded to unzip his backpack. He then picked up the rhino, looked at the teacher and then put the rhino in his shirt.

There's An Asian Pecking Order!

I never knew this. From what I've gotten from that young Asian forum I frequent, it seems like the Japanese and the Koreans are at the top of the totem pole. Everyone (and by everyone I mean a lot of the members of that forum) envies the Japanese and/or Koreans for their style/beauty. And I've noticed that the Japanese members have a sort of snobbish-I'm-so-better-than-you-attitude. It's all so strange. I mentioned this to the husband and he said that it makes perfect sense. The Japanese have kicked everyone's ass in everything in the past. And the Japanese and Koreans are the most industrialized. More wealth = more beauty.

I guess us Filipinos, Cambodians and Laotians must be the bottom feeders with our short, dark, flat-nosed impoverished selves.

Another thing I didn't know, that the husband actually told me about when we first got married, was that Koreans hate Filipinos. I don't remember why or if he even told me why. I just thought that was the most interesting thing. I guess I was just surpised and entertained by the idea that there were tensions amongst Asian nationalites.

Then I asked him why some folks on the forum used the term, "Taiwanese." Wasn't Taiwan a part of China? Why not just say "Chinese"? A gasp escaped from the husband as he told me to never call a person from Taiwan, Chinese. He then gave me a brief history lesson - China took over Taiwan in 1949. And I guess the Taiwanese have never gotten over it. I don't remember the specific example the husband gave me, but it reminded me of the time I called a coworker Mexican and she shot me a look that could kill as she explained that she was Guatemalan.

I then asked him where Hmong people were from. That answer he didn't know. I guess I'll have to google it myself.

The husband told me that he thought he was a bad Asian. But apparently I'm even worse than him. I make a very bad Asian. I had to agree as I told him that sometimes I forget which is the "good" Korea.

I Must Be The Biggest Wuss

I had my teeth cleaned at my dentist two weeks ago. Well, turns out I also had two cavities. I just got back from getting those filled.

Ouch!!!! I know they give you injections and stuff so you don't feel anything. But it seems like every single time I get a cavity filled, my pathetic ass is wincing and raising my hand or trying to say, "It hurts!" (however possible that is with your mouth wide open and hands and tools shoved in your mouth) to my dentist. Because dammit, I still feel the pain!

I honestly have no idea what the inside of a tooth looks like. But I imagine my dentist drilling down the enamel and exposing all these super sensitive nerves (kind of like coral in the bottom of the ocean) that he then drills down, too, without realizing that the anesthesia must have missed a few of them.

Anyway, he gave me an extra shot probably because I complained too much. And now I'm at home trying to eat a Kit Kat. But instead I keep biting my tongue somehow and drooling down the left corner of my mouth.

Brokeback Mountain

Yeah, I know it came out like 5 years ago, but I finally got around to watching it last night (thank you free HBO). Oh, my God. By the end of the movie I wanted to go in my bathroom and slash my wrists - it was so damn depressing. It was almost like the same feeling I had after watching No Country For Old Men. And I'm an optimist. But I just had this life sucks feeling after watching it.

It was a good movie. But just like the movie A.I. I don't think I'll be watching it again because it just sucks the happiness out of you. Well, except A.I. was a sucky movie.

I've always been a Heath Ledger fan. And maybe that added a tad to the depression side of watching it. But, damn! Jake Gyllenhaal is fi-ine, too! I never cared about him one way or the other before. (I had remembered watching him in something before, but couldn't remember what until I googled him this morning and saw he was in Donnie Darko. That was a horrible movie. I cannot for the life of me understand why that movie has a cult following.) Anyway, after watching Brokeback, I now seriously envy Reece Witherspoon.

Loser

Well, I haven't had another episode like I wrote about in my last post so that fear has started to ebb a bit. Although I still am a little scared that it might happen again.

Anyway, about last month or so, I was doing some google searches on dying my hair and make-up tips. Your general run-of-the-mill tips that you find in Cosmo and Glamour do not apply to me since I am not white. Drugstore dyes don't work on my hair. And advice on how to put on eyeshadow found in those magazines don't really work well on Asian eyes.

Well, the results kept directing me to this one forum. I think it started out as a Korean forum, but it has a whole lot of different Asians (and non-Asians, too) on there. I've been addicted ever since. Beauty tips galore! Clothes advice! New trends! What stores are having sales! Coupon codes!

I told the husband that I wanted a bunch of things. A wig, contact lenses, new make-up. He just looked at me like I was crazy.

The super sad pathetic part of this is that I think the average member age is 14. I will be 35 in May.

Fear

I hate to start this blog out on a down note. Normally I'm a very optimistic person. But something happened last night that scared me. Not one of those boo-oh-ha-ha-you-got-me scared. But it's the kind of fear that you can't shake off.

I was sleeping on the floor of my son's room last night. (I know. But he likes knowing that I'm there.) I thought I heard my daughter call me. So I got up to go to her, and boom, my body didn't want to cooperate and I fell against the wall. I was still groggy so I thought that maybe my leg had fallen asleep. Anyway, my daughter was up and she told me she was cold, so I tucked her under the covers (this was her first night in her new big girl bed). Then I went back to my bed with the husband.

Later, I heard my son crying so I went back to his room to sleep on the floor. That's when it hit me. What if I had a brain tumor or something and I only have a few years/months to live? The fear and sadness of not being able to see my kids grow up struck me and hasn't left me since.

It was a weird fall last night. Because I know my leg wasn't asleep. It was more like my brain. I've gotten up so many times in the middle of the night to go to my son's room, but not once has my body not worked like that. It scared me. And still does.